Twenty Six: Perfection
Taylor began to unbutton his dress shirt as soon as we walked through the door of his old house, claiming that March shouldn’t be so hot and the house was smoldering. Somehow it felt chilly to me and I didn’t believe a word of it, but I didn’t say anything. As he pulled the shirt off and tossed it on the couch, I couldn’t held but stand there and check him out. He stood there in his black pants wearing a plain white t-shirt which he had underneath. I didn’t even notice I was staring until I heard him laugh.
“What?”
“You’re checking me out.”
I began to deny it, but decided that he was my boyfriend and I figured it was okay for him to know I was checking him out. He made it painfully obvious usually when he was doing it to me. He was mine to stare at, after all. All mine.
“So what if I am?” I smirked.
“So I like it,” he shrugged, wandering into the kitchen of the house and opening the fridge. He looked through it before pulling out two bottles of Corona beer and setting them on the counter.
“I don’t drink,” I informed him.
He ignored me and began looking through a drawer until he found a bottle opener.
“Tay.”
“I don’t generally, either,” he replied, carefully taking the caps off of both of the bottles. “And I know for various reasons you don’t especially like alcohol, but it’s just me. Loosen up. You’re 18 years old and alone with your incredibly sexy boyfriend.”
He could make anything an opportunity to gloat.
“I don’t want to get drunk… I just want to relax,” he shrugged. “Relax with me.”
He had a point. I was 18 years old and I’d never had a drink in my life. It wasn’t that I’d never had the opportunity. I’d had plenty of opportunity… it’s just that I’d never really had a reason to drink. He didn’t even know how badly I wanted to relax and let go of inhibitions. If I gave him the idea that I was considering drinking with him, there was no turning back, so I continued arguing.
“We can relax without alcohol,” I argued.
He just dropped the bottle opener into a drawer and took a big sip of one of the beers. For a Christian boy, he sure liked his beer. Without saying a word, he took the other bottle and handed it off to me.
“Drinking doesn’t always have to be angry or bad… you know that, right? It can be fun. Relax,” he said simply, nodding at me to take a sip… and I did. I suppose looking back I should remember Taylor Hanson as corrupting the innocence I had left, but the truth was it was good for me to take that first sip of alcohol. I needed to. I’d always been so responsible… I needed to let my hair down. I did that too… carefully took out the bobby pins and tossed them onto the counter as I stood there in the kitchen drinking my first beer with Taylor.
“Does drinking make you uncomfortable because of your Mom and stuff?” he asked one of his blunt, uncomfortable questions as he downed half of his beer. “I’m serious, does it?” he added when I just shrugged.
“It did… but remember the night I picked you up when you were drunk?”
“Yeah.”
“The night you did your naked dance for me in your bedroom while I was putting you to sleep?” I snorted, taking a big sip of the drink and getting used to the carbonated feeling of it sliding down my throat.
“Fuck you,” he spat, and then cracked a smile so I knew he was joking.
“By the way… you never did that you know,” I replied, figuring the joke had gone long enough and I would enjoy his shocked response just as much.
“What!”
“Yeah. Avery and I made that up. Never happened.”
He folded his arms at his chest and raised an eyebrow at me. “So you had me worrying about you seeing me naked all day… when it never happened?”
I laughed at the thought and nodded.
“I hate you,” he smiled. “Tell me what you were saying about that night though. What about seeing me drunk?”
“Well… until then I really did think all drinking lead to yelling and anger and fights… I really did think that, you know. Even Ray… I loved Ray but even when Ray drank too much he’d get irritable and fought with my Mom and so I never thought of alcohol as anything but… scary. But seeing you almost pissing yourself you were so drunk that night… you were actually sweet. Cute, even. It changed my mind.”
He snorted and chugged the rest of his beer before replying. “I’m glad my humiliating drunken episodes can help you.”
I watched as he took another beer from the fridge and took the cap off of that one too. He seemed intent on loosening up. He watched me over the bottle as he tipped it to his lips and just stood there drinking, looking me up and down shamelessly.
“Now you’re checking me out,” I said, imitating him from earlier.
“Damn right I am,” he growled, trying to sound sexy but he only ended up sounding ridiculous and so we both fell into a fit of laughter. He glanced down at my beer and raised an eyebrow. “You drink slow.”
“It tastes bad!”
“You wimp,” he smirked. “Drink it like a man.”
I sat down on one of the kitchen stools, spread my legs out wide, and hunched over, taking a big, long sip of the beer and then wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “How’s that for a man?”
“I never want to see my girlfriend act that manly again,” he laughed, and then glanced down at my spread legs, “Although… that’s rather inviting.”
I snapped them closed and blushed, remembering I was wearing a short dress. I rarely blushed, so it only made Taylor grin more as he mumbled something to himself over the neck of the Corona bottle. I finished off my bottle of beer and set it down on the counter proudly.
“I don’t feel any different,” I stated.
“Give it time. This is really funny that I get to be here for your first drinking experience. I’m rather enjoying this.”
“You’re a terrible influence.”
“I know.”
We had another moment of just standing there looking at each other. It was strange. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. After a moment I broke the gaze and went to the fridge to pull out another bottle of beer. I was actually beginning to feel a little bit different and was curious enough about the feeling to have another drink.
“We have a wild one!” Taylor said sarcastically as he opened the bottle for me and handed it back to me. “Are you sure you can handle another?”
“Fuck you,” I spat back at him, figuring I owed him one considering he’d recited the crude line to me minutes earlier. Then, just to spite him, I took a big swig of the beer and savored his impressed raise of his eyes.
We stood around drinking for awhile- just talking and reflecting on the dance. I didn’t drink anymore than the two beers, but Taylor told me I didn’t need to since I’d never drank before. He said tipsy was good enough for me, and I was most definitely tipsy by my giggling and stumbling around the kitchen. He never did say how many drinks he had, and I don’t think I completely paid attention. He swore it was no more than the four, and I believe him because he rarely lies, but he seemed pretty gone himself.
“Tinkerbelle!” I tried to explain to him. “Don’t you think she looked like Tinkerbelle? Blond hair… green dress… nasty attitude?”
Taylor cackled and slapped his leg as he laughed. “Oh god… yeah. I get it. That’s too freaking funny, Gabrielle… too freaking funny. I’m going to call her that from now on.”
“And I guess she sees me as Wendy, but who does Peter Pan really love…? Tinkerbelle or Wendy?”
Taylor frowned, “I think he just loves Never Ever Land… actually…”
“Taylor!” He was so difficult.
“Wendy!” he smirked, setting his half empty beer on the counter and swaggering over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips. “Did you know that I love you a little bit?”
”You’ve told me before,” I smiled, leaning into him and kissing him back, deepening the kiss and wrapping my arms around his neck to hold him closer. Usually I was too shy to start anything with him, but the alcohol really did loosen me up like he said and it felt nice to kiss him when I wanted to kiss him.
“Did you know I love you a whole lot?” he said, pulling away from the kiss briefly and then engulfing my lips with his again. He didn’t give me a moment to reply, but I don’t think either of us cared. We were high on Corona and high on each other. Nothing seemed to exist except for him. I felt like I was on the dance floor all over again- except without the same inhibitions.
“Dance with me,” I muttered, pulling my lips away from his and resting my cheek against his chest like I had earlier at the dance. He sighed peacefully and pulled me closer to him, rocking slowly with me.
“You sure like dancing now,” he said softly.
“I sure like dancing with you.”
We were cheesy, I admit it, and falling in love with each other… if we weren’t already in love. It’s hard to look back and be able to tell when it was that you truly fell in love, because it feels like you’ve loved that person your entire life. Standing there, dancing with Taylor, I could hardly remember life before him. He erased any pain in my past and replaced it with his love. My love was all I had to offer him in return, and fortunately it was all he was asking for.
One minute we were just dancing, and then suddenly we were kissing again. It was like we couldn’t keep our lips off of each other… we needed each other’s kisses more than we needed air. We hardly even thought to breathe as we inhaled each other’s passion. As far as I was concerned, all I needed to live was Taylor. Air… water… food… they weren’t necessities. But Taylor… he’d become something I couldn’t go without.
Taylor began to drag us out of the kitchen, not removing his lips from me. We tripped down the hallway of his childhood house as he pulled me into what seemed like a guest bedroom. I didn’t know what it was, honestly. I didn’t care. I only cared about him. He pushed me onto the bed softly so I was laying on my back as he lowered himself on top of me. I meant to ask him if we should stop, but he kissed me again and the thought left my mind as quickly as it came. I felt him running his hands along my sides until I realized what he was doing.
”How do you take… how do you take this thing off?” he gasped in a husky voice, pulling gently on the dress I was wearing.
“Let me… you’ll rip it,” I said, having enough sensibility to take it off myself. Guys and zippers don’t mix, I’d discovered after having to teach Mackenzie how to zip his jacket time and time again. He regretfully pried himself off of me and as I took the dress off, began to undo his belt and yank his pants to the floor. Once I’d undressed, I tossed the dress on chair next to the bed and laid back on the bed. He wasted no time in laying back down on top of me, kissing my neck and sucking at it ever so lightly.
I was surprised by how warm his hands were as he slid them down my sides, ran them along my stomach, fingered the edges of my bra. Usually when he went to take my bra off, I hesitated before I relented- embarrassed and feeling awkward about the whole thing. But laying there I felt so connected to him, and probably so tipsy, that I just didn’t care. I arched my back so he could reach under me and unclasp my bra, even though it was strapless and easy to slip off anyway. He did it easily and tossed it over his shoulder. Although I normally felt so exposed in front of him, I didn’t feel exposed at all. It felt right. I knew in my heart that Taylor loved me. In fact, there was not a doubt in my mind… not a single doubt.
As he kissed what seemed like every inch of my body, I just laid there and took him all in. The alcohol had left me without inhibitions and so I could just enjoy being with him.
“You are so beautiful…” he murmured against my skin as he laid a kiss on my collarbone and brushed his fingers across my nipples just lightly enough to tease me.
I reached down and pulled on the bottom of his shirt, wanting to feel his flesh against mine. My entire life I’d associated anything sexual as dirty and unwanted… but with Taylor it was a completely different story. Kissing him wasn’t just kissing… it was connecting with him. Feeling his skin against mine wasn’t just flesh on flesh… it was being so close to him I could feel his passion burning into me. It was so different… it was so much more meaningful with Taylor.
He reached down and pulled his shirt over his head in one swift moment, not even pausing long enough to speak. He casually tossed it over his shoulder and it landed in a pile of our clothing on the floor. With a sexy smile, he leaned back into me and kissed my lips deeply, using an arm to prop himself up over me. I don’t know how long we kissed, but it seemed like we could kiss for hours and never get bored of it. It was a moment of utter connection for us.
I felt his hand sliding down my side as he ran his tongue along in the insides of my mouth, gently stroking my tongue with his. It was amazing how I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all when he slid a few fingers under the waistband of my underwear and let them sit there. He seemed too nervous to make any fast moves. I figured he was just as clueless about sex as I was, and then I reminded myself there would be no sex. I’d told him there wouldn’t be. Before I could protest it anymore in my mind, he pressed his body against me harder and my eyes jolted open at the feeling of his stiff dick pressing against my body.
“Taylor…” I said, pulling my lips from him and meeting his eyes when they opened. “Maybe we should… stop.”
His face went from aroused to disappointed and he carefully slid his fingers out of my underwear. “If… if you want to… then… if that’s what you want,” he nodded, trying to pretend he was okay with it. I could see him cursing the situation in his mind though.
I couldn’t help but grin at his adorable disappointment and yet utter respect for my request. The moment I stopped him, he stopped. He didn’t press the issue at all. For some reason, it made me feel less like stopping.
“Or maybe we don’t have to stop,” I breathed as he smiled and covered my lips with a kiss, instinctively grinding his body into mine in a way that drove me wild. I couldn’t help but notice a subtle moan emit from him as he did.
It bewildered me that I could enjoy making out with Taylor. Now, I will reiterate that the alcohol was definitely taking an effect on me and everything naturally seemed less awkward. But somehow I found myself completely comfortable with him. I guess when you live with someone, you get used to them quickly. I was amazing to me that I could not only tolerate his hands roaming all over my body, but I could like it. It was an amazing step for me.
The situation went from making out to something far more serious as he slid his hand down to my thigh and hesitantly slid his fingers to a part of me that I’d never been comfortable with anyone touching before. With Taylor though, his movements were hesitant and gentle, and somehow I knew I had nothing to worry about. I did nothing more than gasp as he took a deep breath in between our kiss and slid his fingers into me. I noticed he paused to see if I was stopping him, and when I didn’t he kissed me deeper in a more confident way. I automatically let out a breathy moan that seemed to turn him on judging by the growing stiffness in his boxers.
I probably should have been laying there concentrating on the pure pleasure of his gentle movements and loving lips alone, but my mind was racing. Even under the influence of my first alcohol I realized that we were going farther than I intended. As he traced gentle kisses down my jaw and neck, I opened my eyes and glanced at his ruddy cheeks and ruffled hair. He looked gorgeous. What was even more gorgeous was seeing how turned on he was from touching me and relishing over my naked body. I watched as he kissed along my collarbone and pressed his body against me. Seeing how aroused he was made me want him even more.
“You drive me crazy, you know,” he muttered against my skin as he made a trail of wet kisses down to my breasts. I grabbed onto his muscular, bare shoulders as he covered one of my nipples in his warm lips. I gasped at the new sensation.
“And you’re driving me crazy… right now…” I managed to express with a smirk on my face, wanting to give him encouragement. I wanted him to know that I trusted him. He knew how many trust issues I had and I could tell by his shaky fingers and hesitant glanced in my direction that they were on his mind. I didn’t want him to worry like he was.
He lifted his head up and gave me this adorable crooked smile.
“Same…” he said in a husky voice.
“I can tell,” I bit my lip, hiding a smile. I loved the blush that deepened on his cheeks as he shifted uncomfortably underneath me. “Want me to…”
“Please,” he nodded before I could get out the complete question, pulling his hands away from me and peeling his body off of me. He didn’t waste any time lying down next to me and so I took that as my cue to sit up.
It was the first time I’d felt nervous since we’d started kissing. I’d never touched a penis before and to be honest I wasn’t entirely sure I knew what to do. I didn’t even really know what it would look like when I slid off his boxers. I was inexperienced and convinced I was going to do something wrong. I almost changed my mind and decided to forget the whole thing, but looking down at Taylor’s pleading eyes I couldn’t disappoint him. He looked so needy and it felt good knowing I was the person who he needed to touch him most.
“Slide up,” I nodded at the pillows propped up behind him and took a deep, courageous breath. It was amazing how obedient he could be when his dick was as hard as a rock and he wanted something from me. He slid up and propped himself against the pillows so he was sitting.
“You’re taking forever…” he whispered with a smile as I very slowly slid his boxers down his legs and glanced at his erection.
“It’s fun to see you sit there and squirm,” I teased but crawled into his lap so I was straddling him. At first it felt awkward sitting in his lap while I was wearing nothing, but he didn’t seem to act like it was strange. He just let his head fall back against the pillow behind him and closed his eyes. It’s now or never, I told myself as I cautiously touched the tip of my fingers to his swollen dick. He let out a breathy moan as I did so, his hips naturally jerking towards me.
“You’re not going to break me…” he whispered lightheartedly with his head still back and his eyes still closed.
“I’ve never… done this before…” I admitted, blushing almost as he red as he was.
He opened his eyes and lifted his head up, raising his eyes to me and biting his lip to keep back a smile that I’m sure he was worried might offend me. “That’s okay… just… wrap your hand around-”
“Oh god,” I dropped my chin to my chest and hid an embarrassed smile. “You’re actually teaching me how to give you a hand job… this is humiliating,” I said, so comfortable with him that I was able to admit my utter embarrassment. Although he’d said he was a virgin, he didn’t seem completely clueless to the world of sex. When he was touching me, he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. I felt mortified that I couldn’t give him the same thing.
Fortunately, he just lovingly grinned at me as I did what he’d told me to do. I felt ridiculous as he watched me wrap my fist around his erection and look it having no clue what to do with it. I guess I knew… I just figured I’d do it wrong.
“Close your eyes,” I instructed. “You’re making my nervous and I’ll mess this up.”
He laughed merrily and let his head fall back. “Baby… as long as you’re sitting on top of me naked and touching me… I don’t think it’s possible to mess anything up.”
I bit my lip, pleased by his comment, and began to work my hand up and down his length. It was simple, really. I felt encouraged as his body shuddered in arousal and he emitted a hoarse moan. I discovered quickly that the quicker I worked him, the more he lost control. It felt amazing to sit there in his lap knowing that I was the person making him moan and squirm in desire. After awhile I began to feel so comfortable that I ran my thumb on my other hand along the tip of his dick and inwardly squealed to myself when he let out a blissful whimper.
“I… you might want to… do you think… “ he finally said after awhile, bucking his hips up against my hand and opening his eyes to look at me. He searched for words to get his point across. “Can we… I don’t want this to end like this… I want to… Gabrielle…”
I should have realized what he was getting at, but I didn’t. I just sat there frowning at him as clueless as can be as I continued to jerk off his stiff erection. I was actually beginning to enjoy myself- watching his pleasure and knowing what power I had over him.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked obliviously, not making it any easier on him.
He squirmed nervously and swallowed before saying in a hushed, hurried voice, “Iwanttobeclosetoyouandinsideofyou.”
I widened my eyes although I’m not sure why because in the back of my mind I’d been wondering all night if that’s where it would all go. There was no doubt in my mind that I was willing to give my virginity to Taylor. It was not something I valued as much as some girls, for one, and I’d decided weeks before that he was the man I wanted to make love to for the first time. He was the only person I’d ever felt passion for and to be honest, he was the only man I could ever imagine feeling that way about. I was certain I loved him. I was also certain about that I wanted him to be my first and had decided on it when my mind wasn’t fogged with raging hormones. But I hadn’t expected it to be so soon. I looked into his pleading eyes before dropping them back to his throbbing dick. I shuddered as both his whimpers and my own body began to convince me that I wanted him inside of me as much as he did.
“Okay,” I nodded, surprised by my own answer as I slid my body close to him so he dick touched against my bare stomach. I gave him a deep, adoring kiss before crawling after him.
“Are you… are you… sure? I want you to be completely-”
“I love you,” I kneeled next to him and laid a gentle kiss on his warm shoulder. “I’m sure.”
He studied my face before getting up and crawling off the bed. I watched as he searched through the piles of clothes and eventually emerged with a condom package in his fingers. He held it up to me and smiled sheepishly.
“You’re prepared,” I smiled, rolling my eyes at him tenderly and figuring that I should have known. He’d been hinting at sex all week. Every other word that came out of his mouth was a sexual innuendo.
“Are you… are you sure you’re okay with this?” he crawled onto the bed again and looked into my eyes. “Seriously… I want to know that you’re… I love you too much to take advantage of you. Are you sure you want this?”
I slid down on the bed so I was lying next to him. It was strange. I suddenly had gotten rid of my nerves. Perhaps it was his nervousness than calmed me down or his devotion for me that assured me I was making the right decision. I suddenly felt so completely at peace with my decision. Taylor was my first and only love as far as I was concerned and I wanted to be as close to him as physically possible.
“I’m positive I want this,” I whispered in a ragged voice.
He licked his lips and tore the package open. I watched in curiosity as I watched how he fingered the sticky condom in his hands and then rolled it down the length of his erection. His hands seemed to be trembling ever so slightly as he made sure it was on completely and then crawled on top of me- his hands on either side of my body to support himself.
We stayed like that for an extended moment- both just fearlessly and lovingly staring at each other- taking in the features of each other. He was gorgeous, I shuddered. His glimmering eyes told me everything I needed to know about his love for him. His lips were red and swollen from kissing and his hair fell in his face- sweeping in front of his eyes. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
“I don’t know… what I did to deserve you,” he said quietly. He was talkative even when he was about to burst above me. “But are you are more amazing than I ever imagined someone could be. I’m so lucky to have you…”
I pressed my lips to his firmly and ran my hand lovingly along his bare side. He didn’t know how lucky I was to have him.
“I love you, Taylor…” I told him- willingly laying my heart before him. It was his as far as I concerned. It was if nothing in life had ever mattered but him. We were the perfect love story. We’d met in the strangest way and the fireworks exploded immediately. One day we were strangers, and the next we were clinging to each other- desperately in love. I couldn’t have wanted our love story to be any different. It was all so perfect. He was perfect. As I looked into his committed eyes, I wondered what exactly I had done to deserve such perfection.
“I love you too…” were his final words before he pressed his lips to mine and lowered his body against mine. I squeezed my eyes closed and focused on how much I loved him as he tentatively filled me- filled me in so many ways and made me complete.
When I woke the following morning next to a peaceful Taylor who was grinning lopsided at me and running his fingers against mine, I had zero regrets. Everything felt perfect.