Fourteen: Condo by the Ocean
“I can’t accept this,” I said, shoving the box back at him.
“You don’t even know what it is! Take them out and let me explain!” he said, shoving the box back at me.
“Taylor, I have broken my standard etiquette for you. I have accepted far too much from you and your family already. Please don’t push it.”
He shook his hand stubbornly and shoved the box into my hands. “Open it back up, right this second Gabrielle Carter.”
Surprised by his force, I obeyed and opened the box to look again at the set of keys inside. I was scared of what they belonged to.
“When I turned 16 I inherited my Grandpa’s three-year-old blazer. It’s a nice car… it’s red. It’s good in the winter and I kept it pretty clean, believe it or not. But when I turned 18 last year, I bought myself my BMW. I figured I had a right to something a bit more flashy…” he smiled. “The blazer has just been sitting around in the driveway taking up space for a year now. No one drives it really. I was thinking… I was hoping you’d take it off my hands for me. Since it was my first car… well it’d mean a lot to me. Otherwise I’ll have to sell it to some stranger who will probably be an obsessed fan and they’ll spend their time photographing it inside and out and placing the pictures on the internet.”
I laughed at his genuine arrogance but realistic portrayal of his admirers. I was also amused that he had figured out how to talk to me to get what he wanted. He made sure to act like I would be doing him a favor by accepting the gift, rather than the other way around.
“Taylor,” I said, taking his hands and looking into his eyes so he would actually listen to me for once rather than just sit there planning his next argument. “I appreciate it so much. It is so kind, and despite our arguing for awhile there, I have never met anyone who has been so caring and sweet to me. I thank you so much for your gift, but I hope you understand why I just can’t accept it.”
He bit his lip, trying to come up with a response. He chuckled, “Wow. It’s hard to know what to say when you don’t yell at me for once. I thought for sure you’d get angry at me, and I had a response for that. But this… please take it Gabrielle.”
“I really can’t. I appreciate it though.”
“Well… the truth is…” he said with a sly smile playing on his lips. “It’s becoming such a hassle for me to pick you up twice a week. And now my mother is saying it would be nice if you could come by on Sundays to go to church with us because she just can’t handle getting everyone out the door in the morning… and I just don’t know how I’ll be able to keep picking you up all the time Gabrielle.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. He was even sneakier than I’d imagined.
“Taylor…”
He shrugged. “I guess I could keep picking you up if you really insist… but it’d be a lot easier if you could drive yourself.”
He had me. He knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking him to keep taking the time to drive me to his house every other day. He had me right where he wanted me.
I sighed. “Did you even ask your parents? How about your Grandpa? Taylor… I can’t even afford insurance.”
“It’s already insured. It’s just waiting for someone to drive it. And everyone is okay about it. In fact, everyone wants you to take it.”
I stood up from my spot on the swing and stepped towards the driveway, peeking around to look for the Blazer. I don’t think I believed the fact that I had actually just been given a car. And not just any car, but a car nicer than anything I had ever seen before in my neighborhood!
“You really, really want to give this to me? No strings attached?”
He stood up and walked over to me, placing his hand on the small of my back and guiding me over to the driveway. “Absolutely. With no strings attached.”
I finally took a moment to grin out of sheer excitement. I was being given a car! I was going to have my very own car to drive around! Holy shit! Taylor pointed at the lone Blazer sitting under a pine tree by the edge of the driveway.
“It’s… mine?”
He laughed, “It’s yours! Go get in!”
I actually giggled, for one of the first times in my life, and actually frolicked, for also the first time in my life, over to my brand new car. I was giddy. It was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Perfect! I pulled the door open and crawled inside. It smelled like Taylor.
He went around and got into the passenger seat, grinning as I marveled at the flawless cloth seats and CD player.
“This is incredible! This is absolutely incredible! Taylor are you…”
“I’m sure! I’m fucking positive, Gabrielle!” He gasped.
I put the keys into the ignition and looked over at him tentatively. Could I really?
“Could…”
“It’s yours! Start it up!”
I started the car up and listened to the beautiful of hum of the working engine. A car that worked, and it was all mine. I was speechless. I just sat there staring at the dash board in awe.
“Taylor this…” I turned towards him and nodded at him sincerely, “This is incredible.”
He smiled and even blushed, which made my sincere thank you completely worth it. Maybe there was something positive about letting go of your pride and accepting a gift.
“I’m glad you like it,” he said quietly.
I turned the car off and got out. I opened the back door to inspect the backseats. I ran my fingers along the side of the car, the seatbelts in the back, the arm rest that sat between the two seats. It was mine. It was all mine. Taylor got out with me and crawled into the back seat. He patted the spot next to him, and I climbed in with him. I continued to look around the car in awe. It was six years old or so, but to me it looked flawless- brand new.
Before I could help myself, I was throwing my arms around Taylor and willingly, all on my own, hugging him. He seemed thrilled as he wrapped his arms around me too. We separated and sunk down in the seat as he slid his arm around me. Once again, he had me exactly where he wanted and I didn’t care one bit.
“Happy Birthday…” he muttered for what must have been the 10th time that day.
I smiled, “Your family really does make a big deal of birthdays, eh?”
“And can you imagine how many birthdays we have each year? There seems to be about one birthday every month.”
I looked up at him just to see the smile that I knew was on his face. I could tell by his soft breathing and light touch on my shoulder that he was completely content, and I suppose I wanted to see it. I suppose maybe, perhaps, I wanted to kiss him as well.
When I looked up at him, he wasted no time in assuming the latter and kissing me first. The kiss was passionate, perhaps even more so than the kisses in the kitchen previously. Taylor seemed so relieved that he was breaking down the protective shell I keep to protect myself, and I think I was actually relieved I was letting him. And like most passionate kisses, I don’t think we even paused to breathe. As moment extended into moment, to create one utter moment of perfection, I don’t think I breathed once.
I found the opportunity to speak when Taylor pulled his lips from mine and moved them down my neck.
“You know how your parents feel…” I muttered with closed eyes and a tight grip on Taylor.
Taylor only moaned quietly against my skin and brought his lips back up to mine, kissing them lightly.
“Giving me a car isn’t going to make me… play dough in your hands you know…” I added quietly in between his kisses.
I felt him smile against my lips. “Yes it is…”
I began to let the kiss deepen again. As my mind started to blur again, Taylor and I both heard the front door to his house slam. We pulled away from each other and glanced out the window to see Zac walking over to the car in slippers.
“Did she like it?” Zac asked with excited eyes as he leaned into the car. He noticed our guilty expressions and blushed a bit.
“I love it!” I gasped.
Taylor got up, wiping his lips in order to remove the evidence I think, despite the fact that I was never wearing lipstick. It’s amazing how guilt can make you feel like everyone in the world can tell exactly what you just did.
“I’m going to go get the insurance information from the kitchen and put it in the glove compartment for you okay?” he asked.
Before I could respond, he slipped away from the awkward moment between Zac and us, leaving me to sit there sheepishly before him.
“Taylor says its okay with your parents… I just… are you sure? Have you heard them say it’s okay?” I pressed Zac for details when Taylor disappeared into the house.
Zac shrugged, “Mom was the one who first gave Taylor the idea. They’re happy, I think. My mother is strangely in love with you.”
I chuckled, “Because I take good care of her children?”
Zac leaned against the door and thought about it for a moment. “I suppose. And I guess also because she knows Taylor is strangely in love with you too.”
“Well your Mom is adore-” I paused to digest what Zac had just said. What? “Taylor isn’t… Taylor is infatuated because I am unknown to him, Zac.”
Zac rolled his eyes and glanced at his house to look at Taylor’s moving body in the kitchen window. “Taylor is infatuated by Natalie. Natalie was this hot cheerleader that he dated on and off, mostly on, for two years. That was infatuation. Taylor sees something different when he looks at you. He gets excited when he talks about you. He gets miserable when he fights with you. I know my brother probably better than… well maybe better than anyone…. except maybe God.”
Rambling was a family trait, I noticed.
“I can tell Taylor is already falling in love with you. Take my word on that,” Zac promised. “That… and he said he is.”
My jaw dropped on cue and Zac smirked.
“Don’t act shocked. You’re intelligent, you’re pretty, you’re fun… why wouldn’t he be? You can not possibly be as humble as you act.”
“You’d be surprised…” I mumbled.
“Alright, and you’re humble! You’re everything my brother is looking for. If you ask me…” Zac glanced at Taylor who was coming out of the front door with paperwork in his hand. “My brother wants you badly. And he won’t stop pursuing you until you want him just as badly back. Fortunately for him, I think you already do.”
Zac grinned innocently at Taylor as his brother came around the car and placed the paperwork into the glove compartment. Was I that transparent? Honestly. I hardly could even understand how I felt about Taylor! He was attractive, and likeable, and… everything I wanted myself. But what did that translate to? Where do you separate real feelings from attraction? I glared uneasily at Zac as he reached in and patted my leg.
“Happy birthday, Gabrielle! I’m glad we could chat.” He flashed yet another innocent smile at Taylor, ran his fingers through his long hair, and walked off for the house.
Taylor took his place leaning against the door to the backseat, wearing Zac’s identical innocent grin. Only both brothers were far from innocent.
“So…” Taylor said quietly, “I was thinking I could crawl in and we could… pick up where we left off?”
I laughed and got out of the car before he could jump in and pounce on me. Enough was enough for one day.
“I think today was eventful enough,” I said, patting his shoulder playfully.
Taylor gave me a sulky expression- pouting his lip and looking to the ground.
“Fine… if you don’t love me then I understand…”
Why did it keep coming up! That word! That word I was so uncomfortable with! I stood there pondering in a brief moment who exactly I had loved in my life. I think a part of my loves my mother- a very small part. I love my mother in a protective, innate way, but not my choice. It’s possible I loved Ray, but I can never be sure. Did I depend on Ray? Did I need his sanity? Suddenly everyone was talking about love, and I didn’t even know what the hell love was!
“I don’t,” I said firmly, standing there before him. I had met him hardly two months earlier. Of course I didn’t love him. It was attraction. Attraction, lust, and infatuation.
He frowned, “I was just joking, Gabrielle. But jeez, way to tear a guy down….”
I rolled my eyes. “You could use some tearing down, Taylor.”
He bit his lip and contemplated the conversation, I assume. He was doing that thinking expression I had become so used to. He was probably trying to figure out if he should respond with something witty and simple, or get all deep on me. I think he knew the latter scared me, and that’s why he said it.
“And you could use some building up. I hope you know that I’m really falling for you,” he said quietly. “No joke, no game, no lie. There’s something about you…” he chuckled, “So many things about you that just… this is going to sound lame but… there’s something that sets a blaze to my heart…. In a good way!” he added when I frowned at him.
“How can subjecting your heart to third degree burns be considered good in any way?”
“You make me feel, Gabrielle. It feels nice to feel again,” he shrugged. When I didn’t respond, he shoved his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt and looked up at me. “Are you… you’re not feeling any of this?”
“I’m… I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m sorry, I just don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“This talking thing! I don’t do this like you do. Can we…?” I reached for a ploy to escape the conversation. I couldn’t just stand there and talk about feelings like Taylor could! I couldn’t wear my heart of the sleeve. It was too risky. It was too dangerous.
“I should go,” I sighed.
“You always say that!” He groaned, leaning his forehead against the car window and sighing.
“You know what they say… leave before you outstay your welcome.”
“You’ll never outstay your welcome,” he sighed, “Don’t you get that?”
“I have a lot of-”
“Homework,” he said coldly.
I nodded and began walking towards the front door to the house. I needed to go. I needed to stop the serious, emotional talk and go home where I could focus on numbers and equations. That made sense. This talking business was forcing my mind to spin and my heart to flip… but equations I could do. I went inside, briefly thanked all the family members for their generous gifts yet again, collected my stuff, and found Taylor standing there with his forehead against the car how I had left him.
He flinched when he heard the door close behind me, unaware of my return. I began to pile all my gifts and balloons into the backseat of the car, and then paused. It couldn’t be mine already? Perhaps he wanted the gift back…
“If you want the car back… it’s not a big deal at all,” I spoke to him.
He looked up at me in surprise. “You’re joking, right? Gabrielle,” he heaved, “This is not a gift that is conditional. Okay? This is a gift from me to you simply because I want you to have it. I don’t expect your love… or anything of the sort in return. That would be a bonus,” he smiled to himself, “But the car is yours no matter what. Even if you decide you hate me, and I decide I therefore can’t stand you, the car is yours. I’ve handed it over to you permanently.”
I swallowed. For the first time I noticed his generosity. Sure, I had noticed that Taylor was exceptionally kind and giving since the day he had insisted to buy me shoes. I had known that. But I had always focused so much on his blatant pitying that I had never stopped to consider how authentically generous he was. It was like a breath of fresh air, honestly, compared to the selfish jackasses that composed most of the earth.
I reached out and pulled him into one final quick hug. “Thank you,” I nodded.
He smiled to himself as we stepped away and I opened the driver’s door.
“Although… there is one thing that that I hate about giving you this car.”
The catch.
“I won’t be able to drive you back and forth every night.”
“But you said it was becoming a pain and…” I began, knowing quite well deep down that he had only said it as a ploy to force me to accept.
He smiled, stepped forward, and kissed me simply on the lips. “Happy birthday, Gabrielle. Goodnight.”
He didn’t wait for me to reply. He didn’t wait to read my expression. He just turned and walked inside.
When I arrived home in my new car, my mother was in the kitchen standing at the stove.
“Where have you been all afternoon?” she snapped.
A rush of fear ran through me. Had she planned something for my birthday? Had I missed it? Was it the one year she was celebrating and I had actually missed it?
“The Hanson’s… somehow Taylor found out it was my birthday….” I mumbled, tossing my keys down on the counter.
“Your birthday? Oh that’s today. Happy Birthday, Gabrielle. 18 years old and my job is done!” she smiled. “You want me to make you birthday brownies?”
“Diana made me cake.”
“Well isn’t Diana just the perfect Martha Stewart mother, huh?”
I hated to hear her insult the one woman who saw beyond what I saw when I examined myself. I just bit my lip and kept my mouth closed though. I knew that my mother only spoke out of jealousy, and it was nothing personal towards Diana Hanson.
“What are those keys?” She said, finally noticing them.
“I guess you ought to know now…” I sighed, “Taylor gave me a car for my birthday.”
“A what!?” She gasped, grabbing the keys and examining them.
“He gave me his old Blazer. It’s nice. I refused, trust me. I refused until I was blue in the face, but he wanted to give it to me. I accepted.”
Her look of amusement turned into a look of annoyance, “Do you think we’re some charity case? What else are you letting those Hanson’s pay for? What’s next? A condo by the ocean? A cabin in the Swiss Alps?”
“I’d imagine the condo. Taylor knows I hate the cold, and the mountains.”
My mother’s eyes flashed anger. “You actually accepted a car from complete strangers…?”
“They’re not strangers.”
She turned the keys over in her hands and hurried over to the front door, glancing out at the SUV parked in our gravel driveway. “You’re not shitting me!” Her anger turned to greed. I could sense it right away. “Thank you Taylor Hanson!” She kissed the keys.
“They’re my keys…” I muttered.
“Gabrielle,” she sighed, “After 18 years that I provided you with a home to live, I think the least you could do would to be share this car with your mom.”
I could feel my blood beginning to boil. This was not happening. This couldn’t be true. That was my car. That was the single nicest thing I had ever owned in my life, and it had been a gift from Taylor, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her use it. She didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve it, God knows that much, but certainly she didn’t in the least bit!
“No!” I shouted, grabbing the keys from her. “I won’t share it with you! I’ll use it to get to and from school and to work.”
“Work!? You call that babysitting you do work, as if it’s so important? Oh Lord, Gabrielle! Stop pretending you don’t just go over there to fuck that Hanson boy!”
I had no response. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and my grip on my keys get tighter, but my mouth dried up and I couldn’t find any words appropriate enough for the rage I felt inside at that moment. What scared me the most is that she might be right. Was it all just to get closer to Taylor?
“Stop acting like you’re so much better than me, Gabrielle! You’re not better than me! What, because you have a rich boyfriend who buys you fancy cars and you’re trying to go to college to become educated… somehow you’re so much better than me?”
I shook my head in disbelief. It was my birthday, for Christ’s sake. My birthday! She always had the ability to turn any conversation, any situation, into something about her.
“Not yet,” I shook my head, fighting back the tears. “But I’m working on it. Since the day I could understand the hell I’d been born into… and the child that was my mother… I’ve vowed I would rise above all of this. I’m working on being a million times better than you, Mom,” I spat, turning on my heel and storming into my bedroom.
I slammed and locked the door before I could crumple on my bed in tears. How could someone be so strong and so weak at the same time? How was it possible to need no one, and yet need someone, that someone being Taylor Hanson, all at once? Suddenly, everything I knew no longer made sense. Everything I had valued, independence, pride, and numbness, no longer seemed so important. Suddenly, he was all that really seemed important anymore.