Nine: Warm Regards
When Taylor picked me up the following Wednesday night, I expected him to continue his speech about how much he really liked me. I expected him to resume his begging. I was disappointed when he didn’t.
“How was your weekend?” He casually asked as we started for his house.
“Alright. I’m not especially fond of weekend though.”
He didn’t ask why. He just nodded.
“How was yours?”
“Awesome. I went to the movies Saturday and hung out with all my friends on Sunday. It was fun.”
I just nodded too.
“Melissa told me to tell you that she’s having a party at her house this weekend. You’re welcome to come.”
I nearly choked on the air I was breathing. I did everything I could to force myself to stay calm, but inside I was fuming. Had he been talking to her on the phone? I didn’t even know they actually talked! Was he saying this just to piss me off?
“When did you talk to Melissa?” I replied casually.
“Oh, we went to the movies Saturday. Didn’t I just say that?”
I had been replaced. I had turned him down, taken the job, and I had been replaced by the most coldhearted bitch in my entire high school. I’m surprised I didn’t just start bawling right there. God knows I wanted to. I felt miserable, and he knew he was just making it worse.
“So do you want to come?”
“No, I don’t want to come,” I snapped. Of course I didn’t want to come! Melissa had invited me in order to make herself look benevolent and friendly in front of Taylor, but I most certainly was not going to fall for it.
“You know, if you would just give her a chance…”
“Shut up, Taylor. You can give her a chance okay?”
“Alright, I am. I just thought it was a nice gesture on her part.”
Nice gesture my ass. I shook my head in fury and sunk down in my seat. How could things have done a complete 180 for the worst?
“Although, the party is Friday night, and you’re working then anyway.”
I noticed everything he said was an attempt to get under my skin. Was he actually trying to make me feel guilty for keeping the job he had gotten me? Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about Taylor Hanson seemed to be replaced by this conniving asshole who sat next to me.
“Why aren’t you talking?”
Gee, it might have to do with the fact that you’re being a complete dick, you think? He knew it too. He knew what an asshole he was being. I think he just wanted to see my temper flare. Well, I refused to give him that satisfaction. I refused to let him know he affected me that much.
“I’m just exhausted,” I said without a hint of anger in my voice, “I was working on homework all evening.”
“But you’re not mad at me?”
He was playing games with me, and so I had no shame about playing them back.
“Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?”
“I don’t know…for liking Melissa? For hanging out with her? You’re not mad?”
I laughed and gave him a patronizing look, “Taylor…of course I’m not mad at you. I meant what I said on Friday, okay? You can like whoever you like. In fact, I encourage you to.” I reached out and patted his leg, just to make him uncomfortable, “You deserve a good girl, Taylor.”
The truth is as much as I knew I didn’t deserve the kind of guy like Taylor, I liked him with every inch of my being. I wanted him more than anything I had ever wanted before, and yet I refused to let him know. I couldn’t let him know.
He looked taken back, “Oh….well good. I was afraid you’d be mad…”
I gave him a tight smile as he parked the car in his driveway, “Of course not.”
Diana was grateful to see me, as always. She greeted me with a hug even. Then I was greeted by Zoe with a big sticky-handed hug too. I noticed the Hanson family was one of those hugging families, which only made them seem more and more like the Tanners from Full House.
“She was just helping me make jello jigglers,” Diana informed me, “Zoe you go into the bathroom and wash your hands. Then Gabrielle will play with you, but not if you have sticky hands! Mackenzie is playing video games in the living room, and if you could try to convince him to play something else with you and Zoe that would probably be best. He could sit at that television all day.”
I noticed Taylor had disappeared as soon as we walked in. I tried to focus on Diana and not where Taylor was.
“The older ones should be in and out of the house all night. I’m trying to convince Zac to come with us to church tonight…but he is refusing so he’ll probably be around…I don’t know Taylor’s plans but he might be here. He knows to leave you alone,” she assured me.
I was surprisingly thankful for that.
“Jessica! Are you coming with me to church!” Diana Hanson shouted up the stairs.
“Give me five minutes!” A voice shouted back down, “Zac says he’s not coming!”
Diana sighed, “Well, I guess the boys will be here but don’t expect them to be much help. I’ll be back at 10, okay?”
I nodded and watched her rush around the house trying to a million things at once. It’s amazing how the woman had learned to multi-task over the years. I watched her holler at Mackenzie to turn off the video games while she tried to find Walker’s jacket and answered the phone all at once.
When she finally left with the older girls and Walker, Zoe, Mackenzie, and I settled down in the living room for a game of Hi-Ho Cheerio.
“This is a stupid game,” Mackenzie sighed.
“Don’t say stupid!” Zoe pointed a finger at him.
“You just said it!” He gasped.
After five rounds of the game, and another two rounds of battleship at Mackenzie’s request (which Zoe didn’t get at all), we finally headed upstairs for bed. The kids were good, brushing their teeth and getting into their pajamas hardly having to hassle them at all. You could tell they were used to getting ready for bed with anyone unlike some kids who need their mother each and every night. After I read a few book in an excited, high-pitched voice, they were tucked in and sleeping. Like the night before, I collapsed on the couch.
I sat there and waited for Taylor to come down and talk to me, but he didn’t. He did come down once and made his presence known by loudly closing cabinets in the kitchen and clearing his throat when he walked by me. But he didn’t say anything.
On the car ride home, to say he was quiet would be an understatement. He was dead silent. I’d imagine he had things to say, because he always has things to say, but he must have kept the thoughts repressed in his mind. It was very obvious he was still trying to get to me, but I refused to let him.
When he pulled up to my house, I politely thanked him for the ride and smiled happily in his direction, “Thanks so much!”
He just returned my cheerfulness with a tight, forced smile.
Friday night he rolled up to my house and honked his horn. He didn’t even have the decency to come to the front door. Instead of sending him the annoyed look that was bottled up inside of me, I simply smiled widely when I got out to the car. I was adamant, absolutely adamant, to win this. Maybe it wasn’t even so much about winning, but about protecting myself.
“Hey…” I smiled at him as I got into his car and began to buckle my seat belt.
“How are you?” He said, grinning right back.
I raised an eyebrow. It all seemed too suspicious.
“Well, yourself?”
“Amazing,” he smiled.
Taylor Hanson, I decided, is hot and cold. He’ll be an angel one day, and the equivalent to Satan the next. One moment he’s grinning ear to ear, and the next he’s sending you death glares. I sat there trying to assess the situation and organize my thoughts. Was this just another one of his games?
“It really sucks you can’t come tonight.”
So he was going to gloat. That was his strategy.
“Hardly.”
“A little bit of social interaction with people your age wouldn’t kill you, you know,” he lectured, “It might actually be fun. You know fun? F-U-N? A good time…?”
“I know what fun is.”
“Of course you do,” he rolled his eyes, “Studying and babysitting right?”
Was he really this naïve? Was he really this clueless? Studying and babysitting were a matter of survival, at the moment. And here he was insulting me- actually insulting me about it.
“You’ve been an asshole lately…”
“Thanks,” he quipped, “I try.”
“Why are you so angry?” I finally spit out.
“You know what, Gabrielle….can we skip the drama?”
“Drama!?” I gasped, “If someone is causing drama it’s you!”
“Me!?” He gasped right back at me, “You’re the one calling me an asshole!”
“Because you’re acting like one!”
“I was inviting you out to the party! How is that mean?”
He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. And he was so transparent. I could see every motive he had and every emotion flew across his stubborn face, and yet he thought he was fooling me.
“You are impossible.”
“You’re dramatic.”
I was astounded that he had the nerve to call me dramatic. Never once, during the whole situation, had I tried to cause drama. Taylor, on the other hand, was one of the moodiest men I had ever met.
“Just go off and have fun tonight, okay? I really have nothing more to say to you.”
“Oh, I plan to,” he grinned.
When we got to his house I helped Diana finish cooking the pasta for the kids and Taylor disappeared upstairs again, as I expected. He came down while I was putting pasta into bowls for Avery, Mackenzie, and Zoe.
“Mom, Zac wants to come with me. Can he?” Taylor said.
I smelled a whiff of cologne and turned to see him in a white collared shirt with the top buttons open and a pair of faded jeans. He looked amazing. Amazing is not even enough to describe how he looked. He caught me looking at him and smirked to himself. I hated him for that smirk.
“I don’t know, Taylor,” Diana sighed, “I don’t even feel comfortable with you going. I don’t even know these people…”
“Mom! They’re fine! The girl is a senior in high school and she said her parents will be there.” I knew he was lying through his teeth. “Zac needs to get out some. He never does anything fun except for lay around and talk to Kate on the phone.”
“How do I know the parents will be home?”
He leaned against the counter and peered into the pot of cheesy pasta, shooting a grin in his mom’s direction, “Don’t you trust me?”
She snorted and shook her head, “Not a bit. I don’t even know if I should let you go at all with a devilish face like that.”
Devilish was right.
“Mom!” He gasped, “Have a little faith in your own son. I never go out…” He paused and glanced over at me to see if I heard him. I figured he didn’t want to seem anti-social and lame in front of me. “Well…I haven’t in awhile. You know that.”
“Why don’t you and Zac go to the movies instead? That’ll get him out of the house.”
“Mom…” his voice turned into a whine.
“How do I know there’s not alcohol at this party?”
“Because I’m telling you- there isn’t. I’m not stupid, Mom. Even if there was alcohol, which there isn’t, I wouldn’t mess with it. You know that.”
Diana shrugged, “That’s what you told me last summer too before I got the call from Natalie’s mom….” She glanced at the children who were sitting down with me eating their pasta and fighting over what movie we’d watch. I hardly even heard them. I was paying attention to one thing: Taylor.
“Yeah, well, I learned my lesson that time. I’m not going to do something stupid, okay? I’m 18, Mom. I’ll be 19 in a month. Technically, if I want to go…”
“Just go. I’m sick of arguing with you,” Diana sighed, “But I don’t want your brother going.”
“Fine,” Taylor sulked, opening the fridge door and hanging on it, peering into the fridge, “Make him a lonely recluse. It’ll be your fault when he doesn’t know how to interact with other people his age.”
“Taylor…you’re on thin ice with me…” Diana warned him, “Stop hanging on the refrigerator doors like that. You’re wasting energy.”
“There’s nothing to eat!” With that pronouncement, he closed the door loudly and wandered out of the kitchen- heading for the stairs.
He didn’t say anything- hardly even looked at me. It upset me, but what upset me even more was that this skinny, blonde boy who had walked into my life just weeks ago was able to send my mind into a tailspin.
“Don’t let him get to you,” Diana said as if she was reading my mind, coming up behind me and squeezing my shoulder, “He’s just disappointed.”
I wanted to ask her questions. I wanted to know what exactly he was disappointed about- why he was doing what he was doing.
“We’ll be out until quite late. Usually it won’t be this late, but tonight is our 30 year high school reunion and…” She paused, “Can you believe that? 30 years…Well anyways, we might be out until the middle of the night. Usually these things last until midnight or so by the time we finally get a chance to talk to everyone. I would say to expect us around 3:30? You’re welcome to fall asleep on the couch!”
“Oh, okay.” I had no clue it would be that late, but I didn’t mind. The less time spent at my house, the better.
“Do you want to just stay the night? I should have offered that ahead of time…” she considered, “You could just stay the night in Jessica’s bed if you like? She’ll be at a sleepover.”
“Whatever would be easier for-”
“Or Walker could drive you home when we get back. Whatever you would prefer.”
I was stunned. I wanted to jump up from the chair, wrap my arms around her, and scream, “Thank you thank you thank you! I would love to not have to go home to my house tonight!” Every since that one night with Bobby, he had begun to expect it. It only happened once, but each and every night he’d creep into my room and try to convince me to let it happen again. I rationally tried to explain to him I was not in the slightest bit attracted to him, nor did I enjoy it, I was simply temporarily insane that night. Staying at the Hanson’s, even around Taylor’s attitude, would be a relief.
“I don’t know if that would make Taylor uncomfortable…” I mumbled.
Diana waved me off, taking a napkin and wiping spaghetti sauce off of Zoe’s shirt, “He’ll get over it. Don’t worry about him.”
“Well…then…”
“Why don’t you stay,” she grinned, “It’s really no hassle for us. It’s even more convenient for Walker.”
“Okay then,” I smiled trying not to seem overly eager. For some reason I felt scared that any second she was going to change her mind- that she would, for the first time, look over me and see what I saw. I was afraid she would change her mind about me all together.
She kissed the children goodbye and hurried Walker towards the door, explaining to him she didn’t want to be late for the dinner for the fourth consecutive time.
“Taylor!” She called up the stairs before she left.
“What?” I heard him yell through the walls.
“Be safe tonight!”
He yelled something incomprehensible back. Zac walked down the stairs past his mother, giving her a small grin.
“Thanks for telling Taylor I couldn’t go.”
“Are you being sarcastic?” She asked him.
“No! I didn’t want to go to some stupid high school party where people stand around each other taking shots from people’s stomachs and groping everyone in sight.”
His mother looked horrified.
“Taylor said you wanted to…”
Zac laughed, “Taylor says a lot that isn’t true.”
Before Diana could approach her second eldest son about this, she was whisked out the door by Walker who was complaining about her nagging him, and then not being ready to go herself.
Zac smiled at me and walked into the kitchen, peering into our bowls on the table.
“Looks good…” he smiled, “Is there any left?”
I’ve noticed the Hanson family all seem to gravitate to the kitchen when there is food around. It’s as if they always feel like there’s not going to be enough for everyone, although judging by the massive amount of pasta Diana made, there seems to be.
He got himself a bowl of pasta and sat down with us.
“So Gabrielle…” he said, “You’re the official babysitter now, I take it.”
“I guess you could call me that.”
“She babysitted us three times,” Zoë grinned at him, spaghetti sauce all over her face.
“You look silly,” Zac chuckled at her. He turned back to me, “What happened between you and Taylor? He stopped talking about you.”
“He was talking about me in the first place?”
Zac bit his lip, smiling, “I’ve tortured my brother enough today. I plead the fifth.”
“Is Taylor your boyfriend?” Mackenzie spoke up.
“No!” Avery yelled towards him, “They got in a fight.”
I was surprised it was that obvious.
“About what?” Mackenzie asked.
The room went silent as we all heard footsteps on the stairs. I shot everyone at the table pleading looks. Avery gave me a warm, assuring smile.
“Hi Taylor!” Avery smiled at him, making the awkwardness of the situation painfully obvious.
He eyed us suspiciously, “Hi…? Zac, are you sure you don’t want to come?”
“Mom said I can’t,” he smirked at his brother, “Sorry.”
“We could get back before Mom does?” Taylor gave him a mischievous expression.
Zac shook his head, “No way. Besides, I was thinking about driving over to the old house and looking for some old videos.”
“What videos?”
“Just old family stuff. Home videos for the fun of it,” Zac shrugged, “I might even stay the night over there. I just don’t feel like being around everyone tonight.”
Taylor, the biggest socialite I had ever met, gave him an expression of pure bewilderment before grabbing his keys off the counter. He simply could not seem to understand personal space. I’d noticed that Taylor likes to be in other peoples’ presence at every house of the day. He feeds off of company.
“Well, you’re missing out,” he said, beginning to walk towards the foyer. I remained concentrating on my food, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was interested in what he was doing.
“Taylor!” Mackenzie called out to him, “Where you going?”
Taylor spun on his heal and looked at his younger brother, “Out to see some friends.”
Avery rolled his eyes and mumbled, “To get himself in trouble.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, bud,” he smiled at Mackenzie, and then turned to me, “I’ll extend your friendly hello to everyone at the party, Gabrielle.”
I refused to say anything. I refused to even acknowledge him.
“And I’ll send Melissa your warmest regards,” he added, probably just to push my buttons.
It was too much. I knew he was using her to get to me, I knew it. And yet I still let him. I turned to him and glared at him, suddenly unable to control my anger. He had pushed me to the edge.
“Excuse me, but I’d prefer if you just didn’t speak to me at all,” I said coldly.
He raised an eyebrow at me, intrigued to have my attention, “Pardon me?”
“You’re pardoned,” I growled.
He began to turn and walk out the door, like he knew he should have, but the squeak of his sneaker against the wooden floors let me know that he had stopped. He had something more to say. Taylor always has something more to say. He turned around slowly and faced me.
“Gabrielle…just because you’re jealous of Melissa…it doesn’t mean you need to take it out on me.”
“Excuse me? What am I jealous of?”
All eyes were on Taylor and me. He dug his hands into his front pockets and rocked in his shoes, pausing to come up with a response.
“Well…besides the fact that she’s rich…and quite…beautiful…”
I couldn’t believe him. I was convinced he was bipolar. I wondered how the gentle stranger I had met had become this coldhearted asshole. It simply didn’t make sense.
“Taylor…” Zac mumbled underneath his breath, but either Taylor didn’t hear or he didn’t care.
“Or…you’re jealous of her because…she has me.”
His eyes flashed. I could tell her was partly nervous and partly excited by what he had just said. He was dying to see my reaction. He was dying to see any reaction from me.
Well, he got what he wanted. I flew up from the chair, refusing to put on a show for his little siblings who I was supposed to be watching, and stomped over to him. I grabbed him roughly by the bicep and dragged him to the front door, shoving him out. I stepped out and slammed the door to his house, glaring at him.
“Excuse me?” He laughed, “You’re pushing me out of my own house…?”
But I ignored his petty teasing. I didn’t need to be reminded of what he had, and what I didn’t have. I had other issues to fight with him about.
“First of all, I don’t appreciate you causing that kind of conversation in front of your brothers and sisters when I’m supposed to be babysitting them!” I screamed at him. I actually screamed at him for the first time, not holding back any anger at all.
He folded his arms at his chest, defensively, giving me a challenging look.
“Second of all, screw you! No I’m not jealous of Melissa! Maybe she has money, and maybe she is a pretty girl, but don’t you act for just one second like I didn’t turn you down. Don’t you act like I didn’t flat out reject you last week. Don’t you turn it into me chasing you, because you know that’s not how the story goes.”
I said it. I knocked him down off his pedestal in that one statement. I refused to let Taylor Hanson, celebrity musician, act like I was chasing him. I had done everything I could to let him know that I was not interested in him, and I would not let him pretend I was jealous of Melissa because she had something I wanted: him. The truth was, I was jealous because Melissa could afford to have time for Taylor and not have to watch his little siblings instead. I was jealous that she had time to throw parties and get B’s in school, and still be assured she’d get to go to a fine school. She’d be able to pay for college with ease. I was jealous of Melissa because when the boys flocked around her respected her, rather than just pitied her like they did me. As I stood there, I reassured myself that I had not chosen Taylor. I had the opportunity, and I hadn’t chosen him, and I would not let him convince me otherwise.
“Yeah, you rejected me,” he shrugged, backing up towards his sports car, “That was your decision, and I’ve clearly moved on, so I suggest you do too.”
“And how do you know I haven’t!?” I shouted after him, standing on the front steps and flailing my arms in his direction.
“Cause you know, and I know, I’m the best you’re going to get.”
As I stood there, watching him get into the car, I was filled with complete confusion. I still contemplated whether Taylor was really an asshole all along, and just really good at faking it when I met him, or whether or not he was the nice guy I knew him to be with asshole episodes every now and then. I considered his statement. He was right. And he knew it. He was the perfect package, and I wonder if he actually believed it, or if he had been indoctrinated with the idea for so long that it was easy for him to pretend he believed it. As I watched him start the car and pull away, I swallowed and turned back to go inside. He was just like every other man I had ever met. He was an asshole at heart, and just really good at playing nice, I decided. I stepped inside and shut the door with a satisfying slam.