Eight: Rebound
“I would eat them here or there, I would eat them anywhere!” I read to Zoe and Mackenzie Hanson as the three of us sat in Zoe’s little twin bed.
“The end!” Zoe announced, closing the book. “Can we read another Dr. Seuss?”
“We’ve already read Green Eggs and Ham, The Foot Book, and Hop on Pop. I think we’re all set on books for tonight. It’s time for bed.”
Mackenzie and I hopped down from the bed and I tucked Zoe in underneath the covers.
“When are my mommy and daddy coming home?” Zoe asked.
“Late. When you’re sleeping. You’ll see them in the morning.”
“When are the boys coming home?”
I giggled at the way she called them the boys. “Zac’s home. He’s just sleeping. I don’t know about Isaac, but Taylor didn’t know when he’d be home.”
“Where did he go?”
“He went to hang out with a few of his friends.”
“Why didn’t he stay and play with us?” She asked for the millionth time that evening.
“Because I thought he should give us some time to just hang out and he should spend time with his buddies.”
She smiled, “So we could play lots of doll house, right?”
I nodded and kissed my hand, touching my hand to her forehead. “Goodnight Zoe…sleep tight.”
I looked up in the doorway to see Taylor standing there, stretching his arm across the doorway and grinning at me.
“What do you know…Taylor’s home,” I smiled at Zoe.
She sat up, “Tay!”
“Shhh…” He said, “Goodnight Zoe…”
“Goodnight Tay…”
“C’mon,” Taylor grinned at Mackenzie. I noticed he was a natural with his siblings, and it endeared me even more. “Get in bed.”
After Mackenzie was tucked in like Zoe, and Taylor assured him over and over again that he would play basketball with him the next morning, Taylor and I made our way to the living room couch downstairs. We collapsed against it and yawned simultaneously, and then laughed.
“It’s barely even 10…” Taylor grinned, nodding at the clock that red 9:49.
“Well watching your siblings is exhausting. Your little sister is just a ball of energy.”
He smiled, “Tell me about it. Did it go well?”
I nodded.
“What did you tell my parents you wanted per hour? How much money?”
“I told them to decide. I wasn’t about to demand a rate from them! They asked if 7 dollars an hour as okay. Of course I said yes.”
He nodded, “And we have to baby sit for free…Did Zac come out of his room all night?”
I shook my head.
“Yeah…he’s really pissed since this is the day Kate was supposed to fly in.”
Taylor and I sat there for awhile, sunk down onto the couch, just thinking. I watched the muted television for awhile. Taylor kept scooting closer and closer to me, and I was sure he had a motive. I was pretty sure that motive was to kiss me when he licked his lips and moved his face close to mine, resting it against the back of the couch like I was.
“So it was alright that…I kissed you the other day?”
I nodded, looking into his eyes for the first time since we sat down, “I was surprised, but it was okay.”
“So…” I knew what was about to come out his mouth. He was very obvious. All boys are very obvious when they’re about to ask if they can kiss you. “Would it be alright if I wanted to kiss you again…?”
I could barely nod before his lips met with mine. This time, I kissed him back. I was still sort of shocked that I was kissing Taylor Hanson, as lame as that sounds, but suddenly he didn’t feel like THE Taylor Hanson anymore. He just seemed like Taylor…dorky, honest, talkative Taylor. As I kissed him back and parted my lips, I realized that he was the first person I ever felt truly comfortable with in my life, and I had only known him for two weeks. The thought petrified me.
“Taylor…” I muttered, pulling away.
“What…?” He said, opening his eyes and looking at me. He looked offended and upset…a look I had never seen on him before.
“I just…we just…I think I’m just getting too close to you. Far too close to you.”
He looked bewildered. He sat back, moving away from me, and stared at the fireplace for a few moments. “You don’t want to kiss me…because you think we’re too close and you want…to not be close to me?”
“Yes and no…”
“Why do you seriously have to be so complicated?” He snapped. I had never heard him get angry at all before. Never. And there he was snapping at me. “If you’re playing hard to get, then just stop. I’m already chasing you…”
“Taylor…it’s not that. I’m not playing hard to get. I’m just wondering…if this is good for me. I try to live my life without getting attached to people…”
“Why? Because Ray got in his car and left? Because one man who you knew for two years drove off? Now you can’t get close to anyone?”
His words pierced my heart like one thousand sharp knives. He knew before I even said anything that he had went too far.
“I’m sorry…I just…”
“Go to hell, Taylor…” I spat, getting up from the couch.
“Gabrielle!” He stood up too and watched as I started to walk off.
“How dare you belittle my pain!” I yelled at him as I hurried off to the kitchen. I felt vulnerable. This was his house. I was furious at him in his own house, and I didn’t know where to go to escape him. I knew him well enough to know he would keep after me, and I wanted nothing more than to not look at him for the rest of the night. How dare he listen to my personal story about Ray and then belittle my pain! How dare he!
“That was stupid of me to say,” he said, following me into the kitchen, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”
“You know what?” I said, turning and piercing his own eyes with mine, “Forget it. I’m not angry. I refuse to be angry because you’ll only call me dramatic. I just don’t want to look at you right now, okay?”
“No, you’re not being dramatic. I said something really, really shitty a second ago and I’m sorry. I really sorry….”
I turned my back to him. I wasn’t ready to forgive him.
“Gabrielle…”
“So you think it’s a stupid reason, huh? You think it’s stupid to be upset about Ray? That is was just a meaningless, stupid relationship in my life? You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t believe it…”
“No! I don’t think that! I don’t know why I said that, actually! Because I don’t think that at ALL. When you told me the story I thought it was really horrible in fact and I felt bad…”
“Don’t feel bad for me!”
“And I didn’t feel bad but I was sad!” He shouted in a panicked voice, “Gabrielle…I was just frustrated because I really like you…and I just wanted to kiss you and you were making it so complicated and everything and so…”
“Well if you want to kiss me then kiss me!”
I think I was on my period. I was highly emotional and completely confused and I wanted him to kiss me and yet I wanted to slap him, and I wanted to love him and I wanted to hate him, and I wanted…oh how much I wanted to kiss him.
He took my shoulder and gently turned me around, and then without hesitating, pressed his lips to mine. I swear, there were fireworks. I almost stumbled backwards as the fireworks shot into the air as our lips connected. This time I kissed him back with eagerness and needing. I needed him close to me. I needed to be close to him. I had never been close with anyone my age in my entire life, and I needed to be close to him. He placed his arm around my waist and kissed me with as much desire as I was feeling for him. I could feel it.
Suddenly, the garage door swung open and his mother walked in, her eyes falling on us right away. Taylor jumped, stepping away from me quickly and running his fingers through his hair nervously. I had just humiliated Taylor and lost my job all at the same time. Yet again, I wanted to disappear through the floor.
“We’re back!” Diana announced in a nervous voice.
I smiled at her and nodded anxiously, “The kids were good…they just got to bed a few minutes ago…Zoe was asking for you…”
Walker walked in oblivious to the whole situation.
“Were you here the entire time…?” Diana asked Taylor.
“I just got here,” he managed to utter. He actually looked scared. It was the first time I saw real fear in his eyes.
“Walker can you go say goodnight to the kids? They just got in bed…Taylor can I speak to you in the living room…?”
He swallowed and nodded, following his mom out of the room and shooting me one really apologetic look. I listened carefully from the kitchen to see how much of their conversation I could hear.
“…and you know why Rachel was so nuts about you too? Because you lead her on and what did we decide after that incident? No more dating babysitters.”
“I met her before she was babysitting!” Taylor cried.
“And especially to be kissing her while she’s supposed…”
“…were asleep!”
I could hardly hear the conversation, but the parts I could hear let me know that Taylor had a history of coming onto girls who babysat for his siblings, and I was going to be fired. I knew it.
“Hey! Gabrielle! Come here!” Taylor finally shouted after a few minutes.
I nervously walked from the kitchen to the living room where Taylor sat by himself on the couch.
“Where’s your mom…?” I asked.
“Upstairs. Zoe’s crying because Dad told her that Mom wasn’t going to say goodnight…so she’s trying to calm her down. She said to just wait here for her.”
“Is she mad at you?”
Taylor shrugged, “She’s just annoyed with me. She didn’t find it appropriate to walk in on us kissing, I guess. I had fun though…” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Yeah well…I didn’t if it means your parents hate me forever.”
“They won’t hate you for forever….maybe just a few years,” he joked.
I sighed and looked for something to distract myself. I didn’t feel like talking to him. He had gotten me in trouble with his parents, and even though I knew I was a willing participant, I was resentful towards him at the moment. I reached out and picked his wallet up off the coffee table.
“This is yours right?”
“Yep,” he nodded, and then he tensed and reached for it, “Although…it’s pretty private so…”
I grinned and opened it up, “Private huh? What could be private about it…?”
Staring at me was the portrait of a dark haired, dark eyed girl. I frowned at the picture and then frowned at him, holding it up to him.
“That’s…Natalie.”
“Natalie is?”
“Natalie is my on again off again girlfriend.”
I raised my eyes. I didn’t like the sound of this. In fact, Taylor was slowly starting to seem like a player between his mother’s accusations and the picture of Natalie.
“We’re off right now! I promise. We broke up a few weeks ago…maybe even for the last time.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Gabrielle, I’m serious. When I said I liked you…I meant it. I’ve been dating Natalie for like two years now, and the truth is that I’m ready to move on. We have a lot of issues…and we fight a lot. She lives really far away too. I meant it when I said I’m falling for YOU.”
I felt betrayed. I don’t know if I was justified, but I felt absolutely betrayed. I wondered if I could even trust him about Natalie. I wondered if they were really “off” like he said they were.
Diana Hanson came down the stairs and entered the room with a friendly smile, as usual, on her face despite the circumstances. She cleared her throat and sat on the edge of the coffee table.
“Taylor…Dad and I talked. Gabrielle is welcome to keep babysitting for the kids, granted you’re not dating her. So if you two are planning on becoming an item and…kissing and everything, then we’d prefer for Gabrielle not to baby sit. It’s easier to keep the two separate. If Gabrielle would like to keep babysitting, then we’d like you two to just be friends.”
“That’s insane!” Taylor gasped, “You can’t just give me an ultimatum like that! You can’t just tell me who I can and can not date! Mom…I’m 18! Almost 19!”
I shook my head, “I’d like to keep babysitting for you, if it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about Taylor and I dating. We won’t be.”
Taylor looked shocked, “Gabrielle!”
I ignored him and kept my focus on his mother, “I mean…as long as the kids had fun with me and you feel comfortable.”
Diana nodded, “Zoe and Mackie adored you. Do you think you could baby sit every Wednesday and Friday night? Wednesday nights Walker and I have Bible studies at the church and Friday we like to go out usually.”
I nodded, “Of course.”
“Gabrielle…” Taylor whined.
Diana reached into her purse on the coffee table and took out a twenty dollar bill, “It will usually be longer that we’ll need you, but we just wanted to use tonight as kind of like a trial. Taylor would you drive her home?”
I swallowed. I had completely forgotten he had to drive me home.
“Yeah…” he muttered, “I’ll get my keys.”
While he was off searching for them, Diana looked me in the eye and said, “I know my son. He won’t stop pursuing you. Tonight is forgiven and forgotten, but just let me know if you at some point you’d like to stop babysitting okay? I will completely understand if something changes between you and Taylor.”
I looked down at the twenty dollars in my hand and nodded, “I learned…about Natalie. I don’t expect anything to change.”
Diana nodded understandingly, “Taylor says he and Natalie have broken up for the last time…and I promise you that my son is honest so I know when he says that, he means it now. But who knows. I can see your hesitance there.”
I nodded. I felt stupid. I felt like a child, a teenie, a fool. I had actually believed that Taylor Hanson was unattached and interested in me. I realized then, sitting there on that couch, that I was what most people would call “rebound.” I was the victim of a broken heart and lonely penis.
Taylor appeared again with his keys, “Ready…?”
I nodded and got up to collect my stuff that was scattered around the house. I took my time, stalling and putting off having to get in the car with Taylor. What was I supposed to say to him? What in the world was he going to say to me? Once I had everything, I smiled at Diana.
“I’ll see you Wednesday…what time?”
“We like to leave here around 7 on Wednesdays too.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for being so understanding about everything…”
She smiled, “Thanks for watching the kids.”
I gave her one panicked, nervous look before I had to step outside with Taylor. I knew she understood. Here’s the thing about Taylor. He does such a good job of acting so simple and carefree. He acts like there’s no drama to his life and things just are as they are. He acts like he just floats through life, moving from whim to whim. But the truth is, I realized as I walked out to his car in silence, he’s just as complicated as we all are. He has just as much baggage as me and just as many reservations as we all do. He just refuses to admit it or show it. He likes seeming simple.
The first few moments in the car with him were dead silent. All that could be heard were the clicking of his blinker and the breathing of the two of us. He was the first one to speak, of course.
“I should have told you about Natalie…but I didn’t want to be the guy who talks about his ex-girlfriend all the time. When I said that we broke up, we did. I wouldn’t play you, I hope you know. Most of the time when we break up, we get back together again. But this time I’m trying to move on, if you can’t tell.”
“So I’m just here to help you move on?”
“No. You’re here because somehow, one day I ended up in a neighborhood I’d never been to be before and you happened to be sitting on your front porch…and somehow the stars aligned perfectly that day that we met each other.”
“So now you’re feeding me bullshit about the stars and fate and…”
“You’re not rebound,” he sounded so sincere, and yet there was a voice in the back of my head screaming at me, pleading with me, to realize that Taylor Hanson was up to no good.
“Why do you like me?” I finally snapped, “Why? Why do you like me? You can have any girl in the world!”
“And you happen to be one of the most amazing I’ve met! Can’t you understand that?”
“No! No I can’t! I’m poor, dirty, book smart Gabrielle who was a bitch to you when you first met me! Remember? Remember how bitchy I was to you?”
“Yes! I remember quite well! You were a pain in my ass!”
“And so why! Why do you like me?”
“I don’t know!” he gasped in exasperation, “I don’t know, I don’t know! What do you want me to tell you Gabrielle? What do you want me to say? That there’s some mathematical equation that adds you and me and somehow equals love?”
“Love!?”
“Not love! I just!”
He was frustrated beyond belief. In fact, in all the times I’d frustrated him since I met him, I had never seen him this lost for words. Taylor Hanson was never at a loss for words.
“Gabrielle Carter…I. Like. You. I like you. I don’t know why exactly aside from the fact that I think you’re beautiful and fun and smart and…pretty much amazing…but I like you. And I’m single, and you’re single…and I don’t see the problem.”
He slowly pulled up to my house, obviously not wanting me to get out of the car.
“The problem is…” I spoke, “I’m poor, and I need money. And I have a job with your mom now…the job that YOU got me…and she doesn’t want me seeing you like that. If you like me enough, you’ll like me a friend too.”
“I’ll help you get another job…please…” he moaned. “Give me a chance…”
“Friends, okay?”
He sighed, putting his car in park in front of my house, “Gabrielle…don’t you feel at all…don’t you like me too?”
I liked him more than I had ever liked anyone before. I liked him so much it scared me and thrilled me and pleased me all at once. But more than I liked Taylor, I liked the idea of not disappointing his mother, spending time watching his siblings at his house, and having money to buy my lunches with even more. Money had gotten so tight at that point. Because Brad and Bobby were living with us most of the time, and Brad was just as unemployed as my Mom, all the unemployment checks went to them. They even ate out once in awhile. My mother usually gave me 40 dollars a week to get some groceries for the house, but it was never enough to feed all of us. I needed this money from Diana Hanson. I needed it to survive. After 17 years, I’d learned the hard way that money is the most important thing in the world. Without money, you cannot survive at all. I say fuck all the people who tell you love is more important than money. They’ve never been poor. They’ve never gone without breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
“No,” I lied, shaking my head. “I think you’re really attractive, and a nice guy…but I just don’t like you like that.”
He stared at me in disbelief not because I think he was arrogant, but because we had passionately kissed each other just minutes before.
“Then you played me…” he whispered, “You played me Gabrielle.”
I was happy being the bad guy. As long as one of us was. I nodded and began to get out of the car.
“I’ll pick you up Wednesday night to baby sit.”
I nodded and slammed the door. It killed me to hear him say that. After everything…after I lied to him and rejected him and yelled at him…after everything he’d be there on Wednesday to cart my ass back to his house so I could choose money over him. I realized then, as I walked from the car to the house, with Taylor sitting there watching me and Bobby sitting inside waiting for me, I realized that all men aren’t angry and abusive and mean. There are two kinds of men in this world: the ones for me and the ones not for me. And the kind, considerate boy in the car behind me was not the kind for me. He deserved far better than me.
I pushed the front door open and looked at my mom and Brad and kissing on the couch. They didn’t even flinch. I slammed the front door and stomped back to my room where Bobby was laying on my bed reading a magazine.
“Hey sexy,” he grinned, “You’re sure looking nice tonight in your new expensive clothes.”
I looked down at the shirt Taylor had bought me. Screw him and his generosity! I didn’t deserve it! I pulled the shirt over my head in one swift movement and threw the shirt as hard as I could at the wall, “Stupid shirt…”
“Woa…” Bobby grinned, laying there staring at me in my bra, “Throwing yourself at me much, Gabrielle?”
I glanced down at the khakis Taylor had gotten me to and before I could even think I yanked them off too, throwing them with more force at the wall. “Fucking pants!”
“Did you and Hanson get in a fight…?”
I stood there in my underwear, looking at Bobby. He was vile and crude and hurtful…and the kind of guy for me. He was what I deserved. I collapsed on the bed in a fit of tears. I hated him…more than I hated myself… who hated Taylor…who I didn’t actually hate at all….
“Gabrielle…” Bobby said nervously. He scooted down on the bed so he was laying next to me, “Why are you upset?”
“Because he didn’t do anything wrong! He sort of did…but he apologized! And I won’t be with him…I can’t. I had some idea in my head that I could be with someone like him but he’s Taylor Hanson!”
“My dad told me…”
“Taylor Hanson! I’m Gabrielle Fucking Carter from the middle of fucking nowhere…”
When Bobby leaned in and kissed me with his disgusting wet lips that felt so different…so much worse than Taylor’s…I didn’t stop him. My mind clouded over. I went into a daze. I let Bobby kiss me and violate me…and fulfill every fantasy he had ever felt about me all because of Taylor Hanson. But the truth was, I deserved it. I deserved Bobby, and all I had to do was get my head out of the clouds and come to my senses. Fate did not send me Taylor one day because we were supposed to be together. The stars lined up that day to teach me a lesson. I needed to be taught that Cinderella stories don’t exist. All of them…the Disney movies, the chick flicks, the teenage sitcoms…they’re all just fiction. In real life, you end up with who you deserve. And whether or not I liked it, I deserved Bobby.