Fifty Three: Periwinkle Blue
Somehow I managed to compose myself, following her and paying for our games, which she obviously argued about. I had learned to just ignore her. I said nothing, just went over and picked out my club and a light blue ball that she accused of being slightly effeminate.
“It’s the secret to my mini-golf success,” I informed her as we walked to the first hole. “I always choose this color.”
“I thought your perfectly angled swing and attention to the landscapes slope were the reasons for your success?” she teased, because I always said that’s why I was so good at the game, as if it was really as calculated as that.
“That too,” I smiled, taking my place at the first hole, putting my ball down.
“What happened to ladies first?” she teased, but I knew she’d have been offended if I had told her to go first because she was a woman.
“Not ladies with sideburns,” I muttered, smiling and aligning myself perfectly. I ignored her coughing every time I went to swing, just to throw me off, and then gave her a triumphant look when my light blue ball, which actually in this light was starting to look periwinkle, landed inches away from the hole. “This talent cannot be stopped, even with your manipulative distractions,” I smirked at her.
“Oh, stop it with the ego, please,” she laughed and hit her hip into mine to get me to move out of the way so she could take her turn. Her ball rolled up the little hill and back down at us, landing at my feet. I just stared at her and bit my lip, giving her a disappointed slow shake of my head.
We made it through 12 holes until she declared she was bored, and I corrected her and told her it wasn’t that she was bored, she couldn’t take getting her ass kicked. We got back to the parking lot and as we stopped at her car, where I was walking her over to, I turned to her and wrapped my arms around waist, looking down at her. I’d always dated girls quite a bit shorter than me, and I kind of felt it comforting to look down at them- not in an arrogant way, but it seemed cute to me. I held her, realizing that it was kind of strange for us, before I finally decided I’d speak, although I really had no clue of what would come out of my mouth. Then again I rarely did.
“Why’d you call?” I asked.
She sighed and wrapped her arms around my waist too, looking me over, not looking away like she often did. “I wanted to.”
“It’s never worked like that before, you just doing what you want to do, in regards to me.”
She shrugged a little. “No one can stay the same their entire life, it wouldn’t be natural.”
I licked my lips and glanced up at the sky, wishing that I could have stayed the same. I was a whole lot better of a person back when I was younger, when I still liked myself- fuck, when other people still liked me too. “No, I guess it wouldn’t be,” I said with a slight nod of agreement.
“I did some thinking,” she said kind of suddenly, causing me to look back down at her. “I don’t want you to be the 18 year old boy I met. Because I’m not the same high schooler that I was then. I can’t expect you to go back in time.”
I paused and smiled slightly. “Did you therapist help you figure this out?” I was trying to make a joke because although I liked awkward conversations usually, bold ones, I wasn’t as used to them anymore. I was out of practice and a joke seemed to ease the awkwardness a little.
She pressed one of her hands against my back, pulling me a bit closer. “Don’t joke.”
I nodded a little, pressing my lips together and looking her over. She was right. We weren’t the same. We’d aged, and not just physically, although seeing it before me- the mascara on her eyes, the shorter haircut she wore now, the very slight wrinkles in the corner of her eyes that complimented my more obvious ones. We weren’t kids anymore. This was real life now, that was just playing.
“I miss things about you then, I hate seeing you so depressed and unhappy… so hostile and defeated. That doesn’t mean I want you to go back to how you were before. I want you now, this Taylor, how he was tonight.”
I swallowed and nodded, looking off at the parking lot, avoiding eye contact now. Hearing about myself in the third person kind of freaked me out. It took me out of my element and made me see myself more objectively, like everyone else did, and it wasn’t a pretty picture.
I moved a hand up to her cheek, not really realizing I was doing it. I reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, something that drove me crazy when I saw Zac do it to Kate. It seemed too cutesy for me usually but I kind of understood the desire to do it at that moment. I stared at her for a moment and then nodded again. “I’m happier,” I said quietly. “Without her. Moving on. Even alone.” I couldn’t seem to get anything besides two word sentences out. “I’m trying, Gab.” Three words that time, bravo Taylor.
She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine again, a bit longer than she had the first time. She pulled back and nodded and then began to try and untangle our arms from around each other. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Book me into your evening slot?”
I nodded, watching her take steps away from me, wanting to run to her and not let her go but letting her do what she needed to do. I wanted to beg her to let me come back with her, beg her to stay for just a moment longer, but I stood there with my feet firmly planted on the ground, letting her walk away. “You know I will,” I nodded.
She pulled her keys out of the pocket on the zip up sweatshirt she was wearing with the skirt- an odd outfit like mine when I truly considered it. “It’s a date?”
I couldn’t help but smile. It was a date. This had been a date. A fucking date! For the first time in years, a real date with Gabrielle. We’d been on so few- it felt so foreign to me.
“I’ll see if I can find something a bit more polished for next time,” I said, pulling on the too short t-shirt clinging to my stomach.
She shook her head, pressing the button that unlocked the car. “No need. I like you best raw,” she said.
I laughed loudly, stepping back towards the Range Rover. “What am I piece of meat or something now!?”
She grinned and opened her car door. “That’s all you’ve ever been to me, don’t you know that?”
I rolled my eyes and waved her off. “Get out of here,” I said, pulling my own door open. I watched her grin a final time before she climbed into her car and closed the door. As I got into my own car and watched her pull away, I was just stunned. We’d actually had what felt like a real date. A real fucking date. A real goodbye. A casual goodbye without tears and screaming and threats and avoiding. I just sat there and stared until her tail lights were out of sight, before starting my car up and heading home, going home for a beer and a shower, like anyone would do after a date- after any real date.